Changes

This has been a difficult month.  I have gone from being a child to my parents to being the caregiver to them.  After several weeks of excruciating pain, my father was admitted to the hospital.  Tests revealed...Stage 4 cancer in his spine and probably more areas.  Dad decided that as there is no cure, there is no need for treatment.  Radiation therapy is being done to help with pain management and trying to prevent the largest tumor in his spine from paralyzing him.  His condition is deteriorating far more quickly than we expected and certainly faster than we wanted.  Sadness, overwhelming exhaustion, and loss overtake me.  Whenever I look at my Dad's hands I think of this song by Holly Dunn (source):

I remember Daddy´s hands, folded silently in prayer.
And reaching out to hold me, when I had a nightmare.
You could read quite a story, in the callouses and lines.
Years of work and worry had left their mark behind.
I remember Daddy´s hands, how they held my Mama tight,
And patted my back, for something done right.
There are things that I´ve forgotten, that I loved about the man,
But I´ll always remember the love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

I remember Daddy´s hands, working 'til they bled.
Sacrificed unselfishly, just to keep us all fed.
If I could do things over, I´d live my life again.
And never take for granted the love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love .....
In Daddy´s hands.

My Dad is quite the guy.  Funny, stubborn, able to talk to anyone at anytime, loving, hardworking, wonderful husband and father.  I thank God for him.